I can’t explain it,
The sadness that comes with momentary bliss.
I panic at the thought of the happiness coming to an end,
Because it means that the tears are just around the bend.
The joy and pain both come on so heavy,
It’s a constant struggle, and I feel unsteady.
I’m just drifting through life,
I’m no longer an active force in how I survive.
Everything comes like a slap in the face, things just happen,
By the time I come to, it’s too late to take action.
Every experience just feels like an apparition,
And I hang like a puppet by the strings of permission.
Always waiting for someone to tell me I’m allowed,
I’m by no means bold or proud.
I don’t know how to just be myself,
Without knocking old insecurities off the shelf.
I find myself overwhelmed and scared at the worst times,
So much that I can’t find solace in my rhymes.
There’s never enough, but there’s always too much.
I’m a walking contradiction & I’m losing touch.
I’m dying of thirst, but at the same time I’m drowning.
I feel half-dead, but my heart is still pounding.
Memories begin to lose their meaning,
What happened to hoping and dreaming?
Now, I’m just afraid of what the future will bring,
Afraid I’ll be the songbird who dies, before ever gaining the courage to sing.
Maybe I’m just meant to be a puppet hanging from someone else’s strings,
So I’ll just wait to see which way the pendulum swings.