Being a girl born on the first day of autumn,
You’d think I would be used to seeing things change,
You’d think I would be used to summer sweetness fading & the days of darkness growing longer.
You’d think I could inherently see the melancholy beauty in the death of growing things,
But I am so worn down by the suddenness of life,
As I feel layers of who I was flaking off like the bark of a madrona tree.
Uncovering new skin- painfully sensitive, soft, & vulnerable.
Transforming & rearranging into patterns I don’t recognize.
Each thought shifts like a drop of liquid mercury,
Metallic & mysterious,
Never clinging to outside elements, always running off & changing form.
Gradually gathering more of its evil kind-
Until it’s a colossal ball of unpredictable poison, consistently gaining momentum.
Finding myself stuck in its strange gravitational pull.
Starving to death,
Yet my stomach feels uncomfortably full on the toxins of tribulations that I can never completely digest.
Observing my own feelings & emotions move swiftly over the surface like water skippers.
Moving too fast-
Too fast to catch,
Genetically predisposed to forever be chasing something unattainable.
Never quite quick enough,
Never quite strong enough,
Never quite bold enough,
Never quite good enough.
None of this by choice,
Its just life’s cruel tricks of light,
Always dancing in my line of sight.
I guess that is why I am so drawn to the unobstructed rays of the sun.
A light, pure & unfiltered–
Steady & constant.
Without the unexpected chill of the moon momentarily passing through–
Eclipsing the beams of those solar shimmers,
Planting a quick, lingering kiss on that fiery face,
As it leaves the starry eyed sun, alone, in the big blue sky,
Without hesitation in its lunar goodbye.