Chameleon Eyes

I love meeting the gaze of those ever-changing eyes,

They hold all the colors underneath the sun,

It’s like looking at the whole universe capsulized in two swirling orbs.

They are anchored so strongly in that caring stare,

I swear they peer strait into my soul.

Caught up & hypnotized, 

Time stops,

Suddenly you are all I see,

And that moment is all that matters.

In that instant, deeply raw & vulnerable, yet exuding such rare comfort & peace.

Those eyes–

So expressive and ornate,

They see the sense in my jumbled phrases when I try to convey what’s in my heart.

Like glass, they reflect the light like glistening prisms.

They say everything that needs to be said in a single glance. 

Please remember,

My eyes will always shine the truest blue for you.

Their contents spill over, right here before us,

When I see you, oh how my inner tides swell, 

Because my eyes contain oceans & your’s have the luring pull of the moon. 

Veil of Shadows

Sometimes out of the blue, 

I begin to feel a faint tremor in my mind.

It’s a sudden sensation that I can’t quite explain,

It’s like my train of thought has derailed from the coastline of consciousness.

My rosy view begins fading to black.

I am trapped in between,

Stuck in this almost purgatorial realm of emotions.

Aware, yet unaware–

Neither hot, nor cold.

The lucidity of my languid senses swings back & forth.

This disconcerting disconnection from reality comes on so fast.

I can feel it as it grows stronger by the second,

And I try to ward off this vivid mental switch, 

I begin to feel my mind gearing down,

Descending down into the despondent deep.

I want to cut away these unstable deceptions before it’s too late–

Before the tipping point.

It’s almost as if I’m observing myself from an outsiders perspective,

Like I’m stuck, screaming behind a glass wall,

Watching my own volcano erupting.

A faded illusion arises in my mind–

I try to push it out,

But this strange mirage creeps over my thoughts.

I disengage.

Unfamiliar visions appear in my head,

Images of a mysterious figurine, that teeters on a precipice. 

It sways one way & touches the soft ground,

Then sways right back & dangles over a cascading waterfall below.

The silhouette then walks a tightrope line along the edge,

And trips into the bubbling blue.

My heart drops, & I blink back into focus before the final fall–

For a moment, I am jolted out of that chilling nightmare,

I abruptly become aware of my surroundings, but I am still not present.

I come out of that terrible daydream, right back into this murky mindset-

It’s like my brain does not know how to process the pain,

I try to grasp it’s intricacies, but my mind plays it’s cruel tricks & begins to fathom my grief as a tainted euphoria,

And I become dizzy as I waver between the thin veil that separates my differing perceptions of restoration & desolation.

I look down at my hands & I do not recognize them as my own,

I am startled when I notice the salty streams running down my cheeks, 

Confused as to why or how these tears are falling from my eyes.

I guess there was meaning behind that vision of the faltering figure;

It was an enigmatic effigy of my heart breaking down.

A visual representation of my spirits falling,

A cushioned coping mechanism,

To warn me of another wave of this continuous heartache. 

To give me a sign,

And make it easier to brace for the impact of another rapid surge.

But nothing could have ever foreshadowed how intense these waves would become,

After the winds of a hurricane came to pass.

Nothing could have prepared me for the tsunami tides that pummel me back down,

The second I gain the strength to stand up again.

Hiding Our True Colors

We paint the roses red with the blood we have shed,

Just to symbolize the fact that we’ve bled.

We dye our eyes blue with the tears we have cried,

To swallow every last ounce of foolish pride.

We stain our hands black from the load that we carried,

To try & convince ourselves that hatchets should stay buried.

We ink our lips grey with the ashes of our happiness,

To spread the arid remains of our joy & purpose. 

We rouge our cheeks rosy,

To cover it all up, to hide that we’re empty, to pretend we’re not lonely.

We conceal emotions until our skin has browned,

To show the result of keeping our true feelings, hidden underground. 

We whiten out our minds with a porcelain glaze,

To put a shining veneer over this dark haze.

We color ourselves in; hung up, on display like gallery art.

We’re as still as statues & set in our ways, but all along we’re just starving our hearts.

The Freeze After The Fire

I cannot fight these feelings of emptiness, 

As I trudge on & on through this vacant night,

I’ve never felt so hollow alongside the moon & stars,

With a blank stare, I look out at the world–

Out at the bleak horizon.

The ominous hills reflect the cold, clean light,

And the valley traps the midnight mist in its encapsulating ravine.

Across the bay, I see the glow of distant houses,

Their lights mirrored on the glassy cove.

Chimney smoke billows, then dissipates in the bitter air, 

I find myself drawn to the heat that radiates from these homes,

What remains of my frost-bitten frame, craves the comforting warmth.

But, still, I wander on in this lifeless freeze.

I don’t believe I’ll ever find that same kind of fire inside myself again,

There is nothing there to thaw these polar pillars within.

My deadened senses will not revive,

Because I’ve already bled myself dry

And I can’t even begin to pursue some fake & faded flicker, 

After I’ve felt the inferno of a twin flame.

I cannot go towards the heat that I am drawn too,

Nor can I be relit by another flare like before.

My old burns are still open wounds–

Defenseless against the harsh winds of the lonely arctic darkness.

I am constantly reminded that I used to know the sweet fervor of the fever, 

And that my dwindling embers were reignited by that beautiful spark.

It came to me when I needed it most,

And a fire began to build, that melted the glaciers in our souls,

But its thrilling blaze was quelled too soon.

I now aimlessly trod along, 

Trying to find a way to feel whole again,

But the same pain still lingers.

Each weary step I take, drains me more & more.

I am comforted by the memories I made, 

But I’m plagued knowing that I finally had that special warmth surrounding me…but I lost it.

It billowed beautifully, then dissipated like the chimney smoke on a frigid night.

It was doused by the chilling rain that falls from above,

And those woeful waters stripped the ashes of that fiery dream from my trembling hands,

Now, I’m sitting here in an icy wasteland with these soaking wet palms–

Upturned & open from reaching out for the first time.

I shiver, not only from the cold, but from fear.

For I am already frozen,

And the winter has only just begun.