I am the wind who makes the trees dance

The relief of a second chance.

I’m the dust in sunbeams,

The magic in dreams.

You can meet me in the water’s reflections & ripples,

Somewhere between a stranger’s smiling eyes & familiar dimples.

Lost in the happy hellos & painful goodbyes,

The glowing clouds in painted skies.

Hanging in the branches & golden leaves,

In your favorite sweater’s sleeves.

Caught in the river bends,

The laughter between friends.

I live in the pictures in your wallet,

The box of keepsakes in your closet.

You’ll find me in the new beginnings,

The goodnight kisses & sleepy good mornings.

I am floating on the pleases and thank you’s,

The silly phases you outgrew.

I’ll be hidden in a wedding song,

Tucked away in the places you felt you belonged.

I’ll be in the old notebook on the top shelf,

The ballet shoes from when you believed in yourself.

I’m mixed in the colors of your favorite paintings,

Clinging to the words of your favorite sayings.

Cradled in the cobwebs of your childhood home,

Cemented in the cracks in your first skipping stone.

You’ll feel me in your mother’s hug,

Cupping your hands around a warm mug.

I’m the sound of a doves coo,

The flavor of grandmas chicken soup.

I am the smell of fresh brewed coffee,

The heat of a campfire on your shivering body.

I am the breeze who makes the curtains dance,

The comfort in a lover’s glance.

I am love & hope, I am meaning.

I’m what keeps you living and dreaming.


There it goes, the passing moment,

Gone like a whirlwind.

In the blink of an eye, we are in another eddy of time.

We’re just walking the line.

The clock doesn’t stop for a second,

Do we ever really experience the present?

Or has it just been past and future all along?

Because life just flows like a river on and on, flowing ever-long.

Who really knows where the currents go,

When we’re always moving and can’t take it slow.

I feel like I’m just skimming through life, floating through every experience,

Never a force of action and completely void of any influence.

I just exist.

Yet, something inside tells me to resist.

Sometimes I want to implode and turn into a supernova, unconfined,

Leaving a black hole in my wake, only my push and pull left behind.

I want to live with purpose and meaning,

I want to keep loving and dreaming.

I love the way the sun feels on my skin,

But I want to feel that sun within.

My life isn’t a game to be played,

It’s full of passion and intention and I do not want my ripple to fade.


I can’t explain it,

The sadness that comes with momentary bliss.

I panic at the thought of the happiness coming to an end,

Because it means that the tears are just around the bend.

The joy and pain both come on so heavy,

It’s a constant struggle, and I feel unsteady.

I’m just drifting through life,

I’m no longer an active force in how I survive.

Everything comes like a slap in the face, things just happen,

By the time I come to, it’s too late to take action.

Every experience just feels like an apparition,

And I hang like a puppet by the strings of permission.

Always waiting for someone to tell me I’m allowed,

I’m by no means bold or proud.

I don’t know how to just be myself,

Without knocking old insecurities off the shelf.

I find myself overwhelmed and scared at the worst times,

So much that I can’t find solace in my rhymes.

There’s never enough, but there’s always too much.

I’m a walking contradiction & I’m losing touch.

I’m dying of thirst, but at the same time I’m drowning.

I feel half-dead, but my heart is still pounding.

Memories begin to lose their meaning,

What happened to hoping and dreaming?

Now, I’m just afraid of what the future will bring,

Afraid I’ll be the songbird who dies, before ever gaining the courage to sing.

Maybe I’m just meant to be a puppet hanging from someone else’s strings,

So I’ll just wait to see which way the pendulum swings.

Aurora Envy

Sensory stargazer watching the northern lights with envy in her eyes,

The sky paints its atmospheric collisions with such grace & beauty.

Rippling curtains of electrically charged universal discord.

Catch a glance of the metaphysical possibilities,

Making reality seem diluted, bland, & weak.

The tangible isn’t as potent & hearty as the intangible.

Conceptual contemplation becomes her drug.

Perspectives, prospects, & possibilities paint perfectly pleasant pictures.

Close-minded tendencies, shallow judgements, and malicious motivations hurt her heart.

Embarking on a constant journey of deep reflection,

Noticing loopholes in the world’s thinking-

Noticing glaring gaps in her own train of thought.

Realizations & discoveries sit impatiently under her skin, like swelling slivers & burgeoning bruises.

Positive changes & new understandings lay beneath the earth’s jewel crested crust like ancient ruins & dinosaurs’ skeletons.

She just has to dig a little to draw out the meaning of things,

Like drawing the marrow out of a bone.

Turning the digging into an art.

An archeological astronomer, who digs down to reach old creations, yet looks up at the heavens towards new horizons.

Intrinsic Worth

Okay….I’m not trying to be sappy (not that fear of being sappy has ever stopped me before)…but at this particular moment, I’m feeling very blessed & I’m going to take this opportunity to express that.
First of all, I’d like to dedicate this poem to my parents (featured on this poem’s theme photo) & my beautiful sister, Ava; all of whom taught me that you can’t get by in life acting like you’re too cool to care. Thank you for being wonderful examples of true empathy, love, respect, & kindness. Ava & I are so blessed to have you as our parents.
Second, I’d like to dedicate this poem to my extended family, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., for being further examples of those same qualities…and for just being who you are. You all helped me grow & learn (and you’re helping me do so, *still*).
Third, I’d like to dedicate this poem to my darling, Jesse. Who has rekindled a fire & passion in me that was starting to dwindle. Thank you, sunshine.
And last (certainly not least), I’d like to dedicate this poem to the beautiful, loving Team Sawyer & all the other people who’ve supported me this whole time. Your encouragement, kindness, & friendship means the world to me. I could never ever thank you enough.
I love you all, to the moon & back.
Now, moving on to the poem:

People are mean,

Life is confusing,

And lately, I can’t tell if I’m losing myself or finding myself.

Constantly being hurt, misunderstood, & overlooked by disinterested misanthropists who are afraid of vulnerability,

Because everyone is too scared of the shallow judgements & stigmas that come with caring.

True bravery radiates from the ones who are strong enough to give a damn.

True maturity isn’t just checking off the silly list of expected responsibilities or social ranks.

It’s not just doing the usual things that people praise you for, to get recognition.

It’s not just doing things for outward appearance.

It’s doing the little things that make you a stronger, kinder person,

The things that only the important people notice.

It’s choosing to boldly be yourself, while also staying humble,

And knowing how to love yourself,

Not feel sorry for yourself.

It’s disposing of self pity & stubbornness,

And never pigeon-holing yourself into one way of thinking or living for the rest of your life.

It’s taking hold of every opportunity that comes your way,

It’s learning to accept that you may not agree with something that someone else does.

And knowing that you have to respect other people’s decisions, instead of trying to convince them otherwise.

It’s being understanding when someone reaches out to you.

It’s being intuitive enough to pick up on people’s feelings & know when they really aren’t “fine”.

It’s not belittling people for being tender-hearted & sensitive, & learning how to be sensitive yourself.

It’s knowing when to say thank you & I’m sorry,

Knowing when to say I love you.

It’s learning how to make people comfortable & going out of your way to do that.

It’s walking into a cold, stale room, & knowing how to make it softer & warmer.

It’s seeing someone crying on a public bench & being the one person in the world who stops to ask if they’re okay.

It’s seeing someone who loves you, crying right there in front of you & taking the higher road by choosing to be gentle in response.

It’s laying bear your soul to the ones who matter,

It’s being altruistic enough to accept changes & want to better yourself, not only for yourself, but for others,

It’s knowing that sometimes you have to journey deep within your own mind to face your biggest fears & solve your worst problems.

It’s learning to forgive & forget, but also knowing when to walk away from toxic situations.

It’s taking the time to be genuinely interested in others’ passions & concerns.

It’s learning how to be uplifting & upbuilding instead of making fun of someone for just being who they are,

It’s knowing how to embrace diversity, instead of avoiding or judging things because their different.

It’s going a step further to encourage someone’s unique vocations & characteristics even when they are hard to relate to.

It’s learning how to try to make everybody feel like a somebody.

It’s learning how to break the controlling, constricting ties of unrealistic expectations,

It’s learning how to respect yourself, but never bring others down in doing so.

It’s learning how to love freely.

It’s learning how to release yourself from the fear of being judged.

It’s learning how to tread ever onwards with purpose & good intentions.

It’s learning how to care.

It’s learning how to let go.

It’s learning to be real,

Learning to be human.

It’s learning to live, not just survive.

It’s living to learn.

Lost (An Old Poem & Self-Reflective Preface)

This is an old poem I wrote back in August. I just rediscovered it & decided to post it. I wrote it about feeling lost, unsure, & confused, but not knowing where to begin to overcome it because I didn’t think the guidance was there & I was too depressed to recognize the best guidance that was right under my nose. I soon learned that the answers & support were, are, & will always be there, but I didn’t get any better until I personally decided that I wanted to get better. So I accepted the help that people were trying to give, I put the effort into trying to understand myself without fear of who I’ll find inside or fear of reemerging who I was before, & I made myself look at & appreciate everything for what is really was without catastrophizing it, arguing it, or discrediting it. I really had to take the time to search for the answers in places I wouldn’t expect & dig deep to find out what it was that I was having a hard time with & what exactly I felt that I needed or was missing. It took a lot of self-reflection, openness, & willingness to heal…and I don’t think I’ll ever be completely “happy” with where I’m at. Then again, I don’t think anyone ever is, but life is not about becoming indifferent & thinking that once you are the way you are that you’ll never change. Nothing is permanent & we are always learning & growing. Every experience, whether good or bad, is an opportunity to broaden our knowledge & wisdom. Life is about accepting & acknowledging that in reality, our human existence is actually pretty miserable overall, but that feelings of happiness, hope, love, & kindness are just as real & important as pain, suffering, anger, or sadness. We can’t let the fear of life’s disappointments turn us into cold people, but we also can’t be naive & stick our heads in the ground. We have to balance the sun & the rain & realize that we can let ourselves be happy, humble, & kind without being fake. We don’t have to bring ourselves or others down or focus on the pain in order to keep our heads out of the clouds, punish ourselves, or protect ourselves or others. We have to let ourselves be happy despite the misfortunes & sad realities of life. And if we don’t do that, then we’re denying ourselves one of the simplest human pleasures. So if that’s the case…then, yeah; our life is bound to be more miserable than it has to be.
Okay, there’s what I’ve learned through all of the ups & downs in my life. Now, onto the poem:

Hollow log soaked with rain water,

Like a sponge in the kitchen sink.

Dishes clank and spook my mind out of its haze-

A sign that I am scared by the ordinary.

Fog settles in the bay,

Like steam on a mirror in the bathroom.

All evidence of clarity disappearing like a rabbit in a magic hat.

Disturbed by an absence,

Lost in the presence,

Without direction home.

Like a migrating bird with no internal compass.

Flying into a northern freeze, unintentionally, while in search of the warmth of a southern current.

Then flying in circles, trapped in the Bermuda Triangle.

Looking for answers,

Waiting for the indication of guidance.

Living aimlessly & pointlessly in expectation of an explanation.

The last bits of contentment dissolve like grains of sugar in my chamomile tea.

The spoon clanks the mug,

And spooks me back to bleak reality-

Hollow like a rotting log

And unclear like my bathroom mirror.

Repair A Tear

Repairing a tear in an old super-8 film,

Blowing the dust off,

And letting the reel run for the first time in decades.

The only nuance is a scratchy gap in between scenes.

It just adds more flicks of character & texture on the big screen.

Overlaying an ambient soundtrack to the vintage footage,

To overlap the old & new in cinematic harmony,

Close the void,

Like jumping the rift in time,

All for the sake of making art out of the rips & wrinkles.

Softening the split edges,

And filling in the cracks of a broken vase with liquid gold.

Looking through the telescope into the future,

Horizons perceivable,

Horizons attainable.

Yet, a long & winding road leads to each milestone.

Lava boils at the borders of the path,

But wildflowers line the drop offs & cushion the harboring heat.

Good comes out of the bad,

And bad is bound to come out of the good.

Life is just a rough mix of igneous & metamorphic stones,

Sedimentary situations develop.

They develop like camera film,

Back in the times where instant gratification wasn’t so much of a problem.

You shot your shots and hoped for the best,

Back when patience & perseverance prevailed,

Because you had to finish the whole reel before you could see the outcome of your efforts-

Before you could see your final masterpiece come to life right before your eyes.