Perspectives

Dust in the sunlight is the tranquil dance of a million fireflies,
From the perspective of a poet.

 
A crowded room is a lonely place,
From the perspective of a person who feels alone.

 
Superficial conversation is a lethal poison,
From the perspective of a deep thinker.

 
A small moment, that most don’t notice, is a meaningful memory,
From the perspective of an introvert.

 
Completing a simple task is like scaling a mountain,
From the perspective of the anxious minded.

 
A happy person is blatant mockery,
From the perspective of a depressed soul.

 
Sitting in silence is a dangerous pastime,
From the perspective of a person with ear-splitting thoughts.

 
A profound connection is a rare & special silver lining,
From the perspective of the hopeless.

 
Strong opinions are better kept hidden,
From the perspective of a people pleaser.

 
A withheld truth is a bitter betrayal,
From the perspective of the brutally honest.

 
Completely letting go is an impossible thing,
From the perspective of the fiercely loyal.

 
A willful sin means life or death,
From the perspective of those strong in faith.

 
Free will is a overwhelming confusion,
From the perspective of those with a righteous conscience.

 
A decision is a bloody war of emotions & logic,
From the perspective of an indecisive person.

 
Making a sacrifice is an easier load to carry,
From the perspective of those who are passive.

 
Taking a risk is like taking a bullet,
From the perspective of the hesitant.

 
Others’ feelings & actions are always justified,
From the perspective of the empathic.

 
And everything can be understood,
From the perspective of another man’s shoes.

I wrote this poem in a couple of hours. It was the kind of poem that suddenly comes to me, almost complete, and I can’t stop writing until I’ve finished getting it all down. There was no stopping the creative flow. When I was writing it, I could hear the words very clearly in my mind. I found myself saying each word out loud as I wrote it. So, I decided to do a recitation video of this poem because I wanted to channel the emotions more. Whenever I hear something read aloud, it makes it that much more personal & it resonates more deeply. I hope it has that effect on you. As always, thank you. Here is the video: 

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Chameleon Eyes

I love meeting the gaze of those ever-changing eyes,

They hold all the colors underneath the sun,

It’s like looking at the whole universe capsulized in two swirling orbs.

They are anchored so strongly in that caring stare,

I swear they peer straight into my soul.

Caught up & hypnotized, 

Time stops,

Suddenly you are all I see,

And that moment is all that matters.

In that instant, deeply raw & vulnerable, yet exuding such rare comfort & peace.

Those eyes–

So expressive and ornate,

They see the sense in my jumbled phrases when I try to convey what’s in my heart.

Like glass, they reflect the light like glistening prisms.

They say everything that needs to be said in a single glance. 

Please remember,

My eyes will always shine the truest blue for you.

Their contents spill over, right here before us,

When I see you, oh how my inner tides swell, 

Because my eyes contain oceans & your’s have the luring pull of the moon. 

Veil of Shadows

Sometimes out of the blue, 

I begin to feel a faint tremor in my mind.

It’s a sudden sensation that I can’t quite explain,

It’s like my train of thought has derailed from the coastline of consciousness.

My rosy view begins fading to black.

I am trapped in between,

Stuck in this almost purgatorial realm of emotions.

Aware, yet unaware–

Neither hot, nor cold.

The lucidity of my languid senses swings back & forth.

This disconcerting disconnection from reality comes on so fast.

I can feel it as it grows stronger by the second,

And I try to ward off this vivid mental switch, 

I begin to feel my mind gearing down,

Descending down into the despondent deep.

I want to cut away these unstable deceptions before it’s too late–

Before the tipping point.

It’s almost as if I’m observing myself from an outsiders perspective,

Like I’m stuck, screaming behind a glass wall,

Watching my own volcano erupting.

A faded illusion arises in my mind–

I try to push it out,

But this strange mirage creeps over my thoughts.

I disengage.

Unfamiliar visions appear in my head,

Images of a mysterious figurine, that teeters on a precipice. 

It sways one way & touches the soft ground,

Then sways right back & dangles over a cascading waterfall below.

The silhouette then walks a tightrope line along the edge,

And trips into the bubbling blue.

My heart drops, & I blink back into focus before the final fall–

For a moment, I am jolted out of that chilling nightmare,

I abruptly become aware of my surroundings, but I am still not present.

I come out of that terrible daydream, right back into this murky mindset-

It’s like my brain does not know how to process the pain,

I try to grasp it’s intricacies, but my mind plays it’s cruel tricks & begins to fathom my grief as a tainted euphoria,

And I become dizzy as I waver between the thin veil that separates my differing perceptions of restoration & desolation.

I look down at my hands & I do not recognize them as my own,

I am startled when I notice the salty streams running down my cheeks, 

Confused as to why or how these tears are falling from my eyes.

I guess there was meaning behind that vision of the faltering figure;

It was an enigmatic effigy of my heart breaking down.

A visual representation of my spirits falling,

A cushioned coping mechanism,

To warn me of another wave of this continuous heartache. 

To give me a sign,

And make it easier to brace for the impact of another rapid surge.

But nothing could have ever foreshadowed how intense these waves would become,

After the winds of a hurricane came to pass.

Nothing could have prepared me for the tsunami tides that pummel me back down,

The second I gain the strength to stand up again.

Hiding Our True Colors

We paint the roses red with the blood we have shed,

Just to symbolize the fact that we’ve bled.

We dye our eyes blue with the tears we have cried,

To swallow every last ounce of foolish pride.

We stain our hands black from the load that we carried,

To try & convince ourselves that hatchets should stay buried.

We ink our lips grey with the ashes of our happiness,

To spread the arid remains of our joy & purpose. 

We rouge our cheeks rosy,

To cover it all up, to hide that we’re empty, to pretend we’re not lonely.

We conceal emotions until our skin has browned,

To show the result of keeping our true feelings, hidden underground. 

We whiten out our minds with a porcelain glaze,

To put a shining veneer over this dark haze.

We color ourselves in; hung up, on display like gallery art.

We’re as still as statues & set in our ways, but all along we’re just starving our hearts.

The Freeze After The Fire

I cannot fight these feelings of emptiness, 

As I trudge on & on through this vacant night,

I’ve never felt so hollow alongside the moon & stars,

With a blank stare, I look out at the world–

Out at the bleak horizon.

The ominous hills reflect the cold, clean light,

And the valley traps the midnight mist in its encapsulating ravine.

Across the bay, I see the glow of distant houses,

Their lights mirrored on the glassy cove.

Chimney smoke billows, then dissipates in the bitter air, 

I find myself drawn to the heat that radiates from these homes,

What remains of my frost-bitten frame, craves the comforting warmth.

But, still, I wander on in this lifeless freeze.

I don’t believe I’ll ever find that same kind of fire inside myself again,

There is nothing there to thaw these polar pillars within.

My deadened senses will not revive,

Because I’ve already bled myself dry

And I can’t even begin to pursue some fake & faded flicker, 

After I’ve felt the inferno of a twin flame.

I cannot go towards the heat that I am drawn too,

Nor can I be relit by another flare like before.

My old burns are still open wounds–

Defenseless against the harsh winds of the lonely arctic darkness.

I am constantly reminded that I used to know the sweet fervor of the fever, 

And that my dwindling embers were reignited by that beautiful spark.

It came to me when I needed it most,

And a fire began to build, that melted the glaciers in our souls,

But its thrilling blaze was quelled too soon.

I now aimlessly trod along, 

Trying to find a way to feel whole again,

But the same pain still lingers.

Each weary step I take, drains me more & more.

I am comforted by the memories I made, 

But I’m plagued knowing that I finally had that special warmth surrounding me…but I lost it.

It billowed beautifully, then dissipated like the chimney smoke on a frigid night.

It was doused by the chilling rain that falls from above,

And those woeful waters stripped the ashes of that fiery dream from my trembling hands,

Now, I’m sitting here in an icy wasteland with these soaking wet palms–

Upturned & open from reaching out for the first time.

I shiver, not only from the cold, but from fear.

For I am already frozen,

And the winter has only just begun.

Torn

I’m feeling lost on this open road for the first time in my life.

The journey used to fill the empty spaces of my heart, 

But travel won’t fill this newfound void–

A void that runs as deep as the canyons outside my passenger seat window.

Old memories replay in my mind,

And I’m hesitant to make new memories,

Worried that they’ll build up & bury the moments I don’t want to forget.

We wander so very far down this highway.

As time goes on,

I drift further & further away from those beautiful times of the past,

I drift further away from the meaningful connections that I didn’t want to break.

Drifting into the darkness once again.

I now daydream longingly as I watch the scenery outside my window rapidly changing.

Lately, my mind is always a step behind the present time.

The here & now passes me by so quickly,

And I cannot keep up.

With all these forks in the road,

My indecisiveness so often takes the reins.

Either path I choose I still feel unsettled,

And I can’t help but feel like I’m abandoning something that should have been–

It’s so hard to move on from a thing that feels so right.

With every decision I make,

With every sudden change of course,

I feel as though I gain a new part of me, yet I lose an even bigger part of me at the same time.

It’s a constant push & pull of my heartstrings.

I wish all the answers were clear.

At least I can find comfort in knowing that I tried my best,

And I will cherish every experience & bond I had the pleasure of developing.

But the feelings I felt & the people I met were so worth being vulnerable for,

And I despise the empty absence of the beautiful flurry of it all–

I so badly miss the things I left behind.

I guess I have to go through these tireless waves.

I must feel the ups & downs,

To fathom the good & the bad,

To process all these changes,

And to grasp the uncertainty of my life.

Numb

Panic stricken in the wrong place,

There’s no escape.

As fast as I can, I run away,

Yet, as I run, I crave a slower pace,

My beating heart, I feel it race & race.

I need clarity, I need space.

 

Anxious mind, numb & nervous-

Blind to purpose.

Overloaded & worthless.

Emotions I’m unable to harness.

The hidden feelings come to surface-

Creeping out from the darkness.

 

Too many sounds,

Too many people around.

My lungs seethe, my head pounds.

I am drowning in everything that surrounds.

I wish I could be swallowed up by the ground.

Why can’t I just consume life, in small amounts?

 

Instead, it comes in waves,

To these feelings, I am a slave.

I cannot find the peace I crave.

In a way, I’m digging my own grave.

Hidden away in my cave,

Wishing I wasn’t seen as weak, but as brave.

 

Expectations everywhere I turn,

They make my stomach churn,

I cannot deal with oppression, disguised as concern.

If there’s any pressure, I cannot learn.

I feel like I’m stuck here, watching myself burn.

Can’t stop myself from dumping my own ashes in my urn.

 

There’s no joy in things that used to make me happy.

Everything I once enjoyed is now daunting & scary.

A small task becomes an unbearable weight to carry.

Lost in darkness, I grope for relief, aimlessly.

I’m losing sight of who I used to be,

And I can’t remember what it’s like to be me.

 

This is the steepest hill I’ve yet encountered,

And I just sit here at the bottom, frozen like a coward.

I’m paralyzed & numb as I’m being devoured.

I am weak & overpowered.

People don’t notice the struggle when your pain isn’t outward.

If your wounds aren’t skin deep, people can’t see that your heart is fractured.

 

Small changes I try to make,

But what already feels like a drop in the bucket,

instead feels like a drop in a lake.

I’m on the edge, I shiver & shake.

Even a feather could make me fall & break.

My mind is foggy & it’s hard to stay awake–

Yet at the same time, I cannot fall asleep because of the ache.

 

It’s no longer black & white, as they say.

Now, when I close my eyes, all I see is grey.

And when I open them, life is still colorless, to my dismay.

These swells used to be something I could keep at bay,

But, the riptide soon began to drag me further away, day after day.

And I do not have the strength to swim out of the way.

 

Everything is lukewarm–

It’s never a balance of sun & storm,

Just dull & stone-cold as more clouds form.

Before the emptiness, I was never warned.

There’s hardly any meaning, when it’s all routine & uniform.

Life is vacant & still in the center of the swarm.

 

I do not know exactly why I am hurting,

I tried to explain its strange complexities in simple wording.

I cannot justify the deep darkness that’s lingering–

For there was no way of knowing,

And I realize I still have some learning & growing,

But my pain is real & I am still healing & coping.

Author’s Note: This poem takes on many different meanings for me & I don’t often like to give much of an explanation behind my poems, because I’d rather the reader have to dig a little deeper & feel it. Yet, I felt that this one may warrant a little bit of clarification. I wrote this poem during a particularly dark bout of depression & anxiety. Like I said in the poem, I can never exactly justify the reasons why these feelings come because nothing ever directly triggers them; it just happens. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to speak to those of you who have dealt with or are dealing with depression, anxiety, or anything along those lines. You are not alone. Your pain is valid. Your pain is real. And finally…your best is good enough. I know these sayings may be overstated, but in all honesty, it’s those little reminders that get us through…and it’s those special people around us with the empathy & courage to give us these little reminders & stick by our sides that make the weight that much easier to carry. Remember, friends, you never know who around you is going through a similar situation. It is so healing to be received with a helping hand when we reach out and it’s equally as healing when we offer a helping hand in return. The power to heal lies within our willingness to connect. Keep on keeping on, everybody. You’ve got this! 💕